Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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