You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Drake has all the answers
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