Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
