Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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