I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
