is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
