The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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