Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cut my penus on the lid.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
