I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
