Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
