Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
