it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
