Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
