you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
