as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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