I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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