I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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