she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
