Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
