Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
