I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
