you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
