I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
