I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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