Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
