Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
