I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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