I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
