Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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