For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
