redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
