I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
