Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
