i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
