Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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