he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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