i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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