Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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