Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
