I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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