I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
