But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
