In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
