It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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