Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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