look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she told me i tasted like america
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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