Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
