you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
