I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
