Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
